I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
