As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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