I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
