Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
