your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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