Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
