What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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