The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
