i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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