Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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