Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
