i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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