cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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