And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
