your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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