Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
