i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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