So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
