he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
