she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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