We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
