Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
