just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
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