Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
