Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
