Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
