he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
