He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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