Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
