how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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