I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
