4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
plz talk dirty to me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
