he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
