A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
