so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
