You smell like a Billy Joel song
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My feet surprised me
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