you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
