The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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