i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
