I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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