guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
