I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
