That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We're too hungover to prance.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
