My friends, they love my intelligence
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
