i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
