So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
