he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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