I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
