Non-Jews are for practice
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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