Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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