wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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