i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
