My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
