Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
